I don’t live alone, exactly. There is a big fat wood rat under my house. This isn’t your typical city rat, who comes in at night and nibbles your cantaloupes. This rat is busy. I imagine he is constructing an underhouse critter fun zone, with slides and foam block pits, and a mini kegerator. He works mainly between the hours of midnight and 4am, scraping, rattling, chomping, tapping, and scampering. I have a little fan next to my bed I can turn on to drown him out while I sleep. Because he is so diligent, and because he has evaded capture for years (and because he seems inexplicably Irish), we have named him Crafty McRatterson. He’s been here ever since anyone can remember. In fact, there’s a good chance that Crafty may be more than one rat, more of a persona than a singular being, like the Dread Pirate Roberts. One time I came home to discover a hole chewed through the shower wall. Crafty hadn’t come inside, though; I guess the act of perforation itself was enough...or maybe he was intimidated by how clean my shower was (ha ha). Since then Crafty and I have lived fairly peaceably. He stays out of my cantaloupe and I stay out of his construction zone. Oh, except for that one time when my internet was out and we couldn’t figure out why…

No More Cowbell

For awhile I didn't set up this blog because I didn't have a name for it. Here are some titles that didn't make the cut, and why:

I Got A Rash, Man--surprisingly, still available.
In the Parlance of Our Times--I still like this one. Might be good for a linguist.
Luce Lips Sink Ships--suggested by ZYZZYVA editor Howard Junker. For once, I got to reject him.
Pocketful of Mumbles--from "The Boxer," by Simon & Garfunkel. Sounds good in the song but makes for an emo blog title.
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo--didn't want to have to explain this to my grandma.
Thought I’d Something More To Say--a nod to Pink Floyd, but doesn't really make sense as a title unless I never post.
Luce in the Caboose--vaguely pornographic.
Gettin' Luce with Kelly--ditto, plus it sounds like an exercise video.
The Pompitous of Love--invoking pompitouses of any kind should remain the sole province of Steve Miller.
More Cowbell--obviously, taken.